One of the most common topics my clients seek guidance on is giving and receiving feedback. Recently, a client shared that a peer had suggested they might be oversharing at times, when all that was needed were the key facts. This feedback led my client to reflect on how they could better pick up on social cues and practice active listening to improve their own emotional intelligence and understanding of others' emotions when exchanging feedback.
We identified that focusing on emotional intelligence could help them not only act on this feedback but also provide constructive feedback to their peer in return.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Harvard Business School defines emotional intelligence as "the ability to understand and manage your emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you." Emotional intelligence is made up of several competencies:
Self-Awareness: The foundation of emotional intelligence, this involves recognizing one’s strengths, weaknesses, and emotions, and understanding their impact on others.
Self-Management: Also known as self-regulation, this skill allows us to manage our emotions in response to feedback, staying positive or seeing opportunities even in challenging situations.
Social Awareness: Awareness of the people and external factors around you, helping leaders navigate complex social dynamics.
Relationship Management: The ability to coach or influence peers and team members, effectively managing and resolving conflicts.
Empathy: The capacity to put oneself in others' shoes, understanding different perspectives without judgment, thereby fostering compassion and understanding.
The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Feedback
Research from the Niagara Institute shows that "employees who have managers with high emotional intelligence are four times less likely to leave. People managers say emotional intelligence is crucial when giving feedback or conducting performance reviews."
As AI becomes more prevalent, leaders need to focus on strengthening human connections and building relationships. Emotional intelligence is essential for enhancing collaboration, communication, and empathy. Since feedback is an inevitable part of leadership where emotions often run high, developing emotional intelligence is even more critical.
Strategies for Emotionally Intelligent Feedback
When giving feedback, leaders can consider these strategies to remain emotionally intelligent:
SBI Model: Describe the Situation, Behavior, and Impact to provide clear examples with actionable behaviors, rather than focusing on personal character traits.
Set Clear Expectations: Establish the meeting’s tone, and be mindful of your own emotions, body language, and tone to ensure the feedback is constructive, not overly critical.
Encourage Input: Invite the receiver to share their perspective to foster relationship-building.
For receiving feedback, leaders can employ emotionally intelligent approaches by:
Active Listening: Listen fully and with curiosity to understand the feedback’s underlying message.
Expressing Appreciation: Show gratitude for the chance to improve, reflecting on how the feedback aligns with your own self-assessment.
Managing Emotions: Recognize and reflect on the emotions that arise when receiving feedback, allowing for improved self-regulation.
How Leaders Can Improve Their Emotional Intelligence
Feedback is crucial for developing emotional intelligence, as it helps us better understand our reactions, behaviors, and self-awareness. However, leaders can also strengthen emotional intelligence independently through:
Journaling Emotions: Track emotions to identify patterns and increase awareness of stress or discomfort triggers.
Practicing Empathy and Accountability: Consider others’ perspectives and take ownership in situations where you may have caused upset.
Regular Practice: Seek out opportunities to role-play specific feedback scenarios with peers to explore authentic change through self and social awareness.
Leaders with strong emotional intelligence are better equipped to understand, connect with, and empathize with their teams. This creates a positive culture, boosts morale, and enhances decision-making and adaptability. As we continue to learn about the role of emotional intelligence in feedback, remember to engage with your emotions, stay curious, and actively listen.